Life is a total experience. Often times I think my life belongs in the movie theatre. There are ways God communicates with each child.
"Christianity" is not an easy commitment, but it is a covenant that should be taken seriously and it comes with huge accountability. When there is a calling on your life you will always get "attacks" in efforts to derail you from God's purpose.
You aren't the devil's best friend but trust that your divine protector will always turn your negatives into a positive for his glory. God does not require perfection, he just wants your attention and commitment. When a baby is born it does not come out walking, greatness takes time and effort.
Try him, he's waiting.